Well, time is flying by and we're nearing the end of my wife's maternity leave. For both our first and second child she took 12 weeks off work. The two leaves couldn't have been more different.
The first time around, both my wife and I were working and got time off. Even with two of us home, everything about having your first child is nerve-wracking. Who could possibly be truly ready for that? You don't really know what you're doing or what exactly you'll need. All of a sudden you're thrown into the deep-end and completely responsible for another human life. It's remarkably terrifying, awe-inspiring, and so much more I can't describe. A newborn, even one born at more than eight and a half pounds, is so tiny at first. They appear to be incredibly fragile and certainly are helpless. We were told, in doing normal day-to-day activities like changing diapers, getting dressed, and putting them in a car seat, that you aren't going to break the child. That's good advice. They're stronger than you might think and very flexible. The bulk of first taking home a baby is just figuring out how you're going to live with the addition. And obviously the first one is the most jarring.
Once home we found a routine. In looking back it cracks me up how many diapers we went through. It's not really necessary to change it whenever there's the tiniest bit of pee, but as new parents we were hyper attentive to such things. Everything got easier after figuring out a somewhat comprehensible schedule for eating and sleeping. At this point, a lot of the time we sat around and watched a bunch of TV and movies. My wife picked Mad Men to binge, which was an odd choice for her. We did a Bond movie marathon and crushed most of the Great British Baking Show. Nobody was really getting a lot of rest at night, but the days weren't all that demanding. We even, when #1 was only six weeks old, made the drive up to Toronto and took in a couple of baseball games. Even though it was overly ambitious in retrospect (the 9 hour drive each way was tough), we made it without excessive trauma and got to check another stadium off the list.
My old company was generous with paternity leave and I could've taken up to 12 weeks (paid!) myself. I ended up taking like 10, to somewhat stagger our return to the real world. Even so, at the time I had an entirely remote job and could help my wife out if needed. When she went back to work, our #1 started going to daycare. All of a sudden, during the work day, our lives were pretty normal again. I was home with only the dog and working. Oh man, those times were quaint.
The second time is nothing like the first. We didn't have any of the worry or nervousness that comes with a firstborn. There was considerably less nesting, for we already had clothes and all that. Nothing can take away from the wonder of birth, of course. Now we have two kids with entirely different, yet sometimes constant, needs. The baby has a simple short-list: food, diaper, being held, or needing rest. Even though there's plenty of crying, he's not usually that hard to pacify. He's starting to do some longer stretches at night. Our toddler on the other hand has come down from the emotional peak, and really is a good kid most of the time, but is still a tougher egg to crack. He rapidly shifts moods, demands attention and dictates exactly how various things need to be done. Contributing is a complete disinterest in napping, which inevitably results in some rough evenings if there's no sleep that day. This was exacerbated by the post-baby visitors and an altered schedule of everything happening.
When we've had chunks of time for just our family, a new routine got established. #1 wakes around 7am and I get up with him. Most of the time he plays independently a while, thankfully. My wife and #2 come down sometime between 9 and 10, after she takes advantage of the first baby nap of the day. Eventually I try to get #1 dressed, which always takes obnoxiously long because he's an easily distracted two year old, and shower myself. Seriously, it's hard to do much out of the house before noon right now. After noon we go somewhere like Target or Starbucks. The boys snooze on the drive. We both bring books because only one of us can ever go in anywhere. Many days we drive a longer route to extend the naps. Of course when we get home, #1 is full of energy again leading to continued play, running around, pushing his mower or whatever, trains and Hot Wheels and more. For dinner, one of us cooks (I did everything the first few weeks btw, nbd) and the other tries to handle both kids if the baby is awake. Finally a ramp down for bed. I've figured out a process that keeps #1 in his room successfully most nights, though credit is due to the very short nap keeping him the ideal amount of tired come bedtime at 8.
Sure, there are other activities. Folding laundry is the primary avenue for screen time, watching Thomas and Friends or some Disney movie. He's into Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood these days too, and sports. So far we've limited screen time fairly well, which means we watch very little TV ourselves. The day is spent entertaining a toddler when not addressing the needs of the baby. And, while fun, it's completely exhausting and yet feels like we do nothing at all. My wife has mentioned that just having her around messes with my schedule at home too. She's right to some extent, but I've only myself to blame.
Far too often these days I then stay up way too late. Not sleeping is winning again. More often than ever my wife will go to bed early or read at night. And I don't want to sleep, partially to avoid the next day coming and partially to get some peace and quiet. So I more regularly play video games until the wee hours, opting for an escape. Increasing nervousness about caring for two kids myself starting in March definitely factors into this too. I guess I'm both anxious for and dreading it, as I'll have fuller control over my day again but also be responsible for two kids all the time. It'll be an adjustment for sure, requiring new routines. Thankfully, #1 is now signed up for twice weekly preschool, which should be a life-saver and good for his development. Meanwhile, I'm really tired all the time and coffee consumption is up as a result.
With Covid and two young children, there hasn't been more ambitious plans, like travel, this time around either. There was some hope of a longish road-trip (Great Smoky Mountains? Florida?) or flying somewhere, but we eventually decided against those ideas. So as we approach the impending return to work, we haven't done much outside the house except errands. Feeling like my family needed a more substantial activity, last week threw together a quick trip. Down near Williamsburg, VA is Great Wolf Lodge, a hotel/waterpark I'm familiar with (from the location in Wisconsin Dells), though have never been. We're finally getting out of the house, if only for a couple days. It should be fun for everyone and I'm glad we can do something more interesting.
Alright. If this seems a little disjointed, that's because it reflects how I'm feeling. Like Sanity check, this is more a way to help me process emotions than anything else. Being a parent involves a lot of changes and this is what I'm working through now. I'm happy to have this outlet and anyone who's along for the ride. See ya next time.
Have fun at the Great Wolf Lodge!