The first year with a kid can be a challenge for a dad. It's hard to connect with a little baby like a mother does, we don't have the equipment! There's no pay-off in the form of interaction but there is nearly non-stop need, and crying. Though we understand the temporary nature of that period it's still a frustrating one. After that, however, starting at ~six months and escalating beyond the first birthday, circumstances change quickly.
Our third child is our first daughter. In some ways she's remarkably different from her brothers. On top of being itty-bitty for her age (it's easy to underestimate her, even I do it), she's talking way earlier, she's less wild and she's just generally far more amenable. Girls versus boys I guess. She certainly has a stubborn streak in her but, even so, there's no doubt she's our easiest child for now. All kids will play favorites to some extent, and it shifts through the early years. And yet she's attached to me beyond what we've encountered with either of the boys.
As my wife has described it, I am 'her person.' She's always very happy to see me on the rare occasion we weren't already together. When she gets hurt, if my wife and I are both around, she seeks me out for comfort. It needs to be me that gives her milk and puts her to bed. I'm serious about this, any attempt made by my wife results in a demand to be put down and a search, dragging her giant sleep-sack, for me. If she wakes crying in the middle of the night there's little reason for my wife to go to her, she usually gets more upset. Luckily this hasn't been an every night occurrence lately. In the last week she's even come in from playing with the (10-12yo) neighbor girls that play with her most days, simply, it seems, because she would rather hang out with me.
Naturally this is a self-esteem booster and incredibly endearing the vast majority of the time. She's fun and adorable and I do like spending my time with her. It feels good to be her first choice in all things, to be the sun and the moon to your little one. I'm starting to understand there's something special about the father-daughter relationship. I do feel for my wife considering this, especially when our daughter gets so mad to see her in the middle of the night, but it doesn't make me enjoy our relationship less.
Still, this is also a challenge. I don't always want to be the one. It would be good for me to do more of bedtime with the boys. I would love if my wife would occasionally get up first to care for our daughter overnight. But that's my responsibility right now (and was hers the whole first year+).
Yes, I know each stage of life with kids is fleeting. This one maybe will be over tomorrow, she already rejected my attempts at getting her down three times last night. I'll do my best to take that perspective and not just get frustrated with my selfish feelings in the moment.
It's funny business, raising children.
After months as described above, my wife has now put our daughter to bed two straight nights. Guess I called it.