Getting older

In the past year I've started to feel old. Not elderly, or frail, to be clear, but I think there's a difference from not that long ago.

Maybe, perhaps, my brain fog last year (Covid or some other virus related) played a part. It made me notice my memory isn't what it once was. I struggle a little to recall names of people or places, at least quickly on command. It sometimes feels like I don't know what I was doing five minutes ago. I brought it up to my doctor at a check-up this year but she didn't think there was anything wrong. We ran some extra blood tests, nothing. I guess that's good, right?

Another piece is my muscles and joints. It's been eight years since my extensive knee surgery, a new ACL and a repaired meniscus (a much slower recovery and ramp-up than if the tear is shaved or cleaned up btw). I can still do anything, that's not a problem, and I've even started playing basketball again for the first time since college, but the recovery period is long. Extra stretching, and ice, are more a necessity. And that's not all. I'm stiff all the time, my neck especially. I woke up one day last weekend and I think I strained a muscle in my arm, it was weird. Admittedly I'd given blood (in that same arm) a few days prior and did some heavy-ish lifting the night before, but I'd never experienced that in my life. I need to be more careful.

I'm more affected by certain substances. If I'm using paint or poly on a project I might feel a little light headed in a way I haven't before, even in a well ventilated area. Very recently I feel gross if I have even half a beer, most varieties anyway, and I'm going to take a break from those I think.

Most of all I'm just so tired. Five years ago (wow) I wrote about starting to need more sleep and no longer staying up like I did as a younger man. But back then, and until sometime last year, I was always up to midnight. I'm remembering, of course, that our eldest was a treat and consistently slept til about 8am. Those were the days. These days our children, the younger two in particular, wake us up repeatedly early in the morning. I've never before felt like I do now all the time and, honestly, I think I could fall asleep regardless of time or place if I ever just laid down. My eyes want to be closed. I'll actually nod off watching a movie at night, that was never a thing (it's also annoying to find your place!). I've started wearing a Fitbit to track my sleep and it's concerning how often I sleep terribly, even if the duration is adequate. But at least how I feel and what the data tell me lines up.

I'll be 40 next year. A friend, a guy I play basketball with, told me there's a point around then when you kinda fall apart, when you need to slow down. It seems I've reached that point. I'll keep trying to find ways to best take care of myself, and the most vital, I presume, will be an consistently earlier bedtime. A casualty of this is less time to watch stuff at night, but tbh I'm okay with that. Plus, going to bed at the same time as my wife has perks. I know she's happy about it .